"Give me the cap!"
"What? No, it's mine!"
"No, I am!"
"You can be Misty! I refuse to be the token female!"
"But... you are the token female."
Episode 1: Pokemon, I choose you!
Jessie Ketchum's eyes snapped open.
"@!&%!!" she swore. "What time is it?! I'm LATE!"
She leapt out of bed and ran outside, in a mad panic, hoping, hoping she'd make it on time.
She saw a great crowd around Professor Oak's house, in the distance. She kept running, realising with some embarassment that she was still in her pyjamas, but she would DARE anyone to make fun of her.
When she got there, she saw her rival.
Cassidy Oak stood there in front of the crowd, promising to bring fame to the town of Pallet.
"I, Cassidy Oak, hereby declare that I will be a Pokemon Master! Leave it to me, folks! Cassidy Oak will save the day and put Pallet on the map!"
"Hey," said Jessie. "What Pokemon did you choose?"
"Not now, I'm busy being dramatic," hissed Cassidy.
"I got the best Pokemon from Professor Oak! It's great to have a grandfather in the Pokemon business. With my Pokemon at my side, I'll be unbeatable! The fierce might of..."
She smacked her over the head. "Just tell me what you got already!"
Cassidy sheepishly opened her backpack to reveal a small Rattata.
Jessie laughed helplessly.
"What a fierce Pokemon!" she scoffed, "what, did Oak run out of good ones?..." she trailed off at that one. "Run out?! He can't run out! Wait for meee!"
Cassidy sweatdropped as Jessie kept running up the hill to Oak's house.
Oak looked out his window, with some consternation, as he saw a madly running female wearing night clothes tearing up the hill towards him.
"So, you want a Pokemon, eh?"
"Do you think you're ready for Pokemon training? You look more like you're ready for bed."
She grabbed a metal fan from nowhere and smacked him over the head.
"DON'T make sensitive comments!"
He sweatdropped. "Uh, okay, come in here and pick a Pokemon."
She followed him into the lab.
"Alright, for my starter Pokemon, I'll choose Charmander. It's clearly superior."
She clicked open the Pokeball to find it empty.
"Sorry, it was already taken by someone who was on time."
"DON'T RUB IT IN!"
"Fine, I guess Squirtle's an okay second choice."
That Pokeball was empty too.
"You'd bloody better have a Bulbasaur."
That Pokeball, also, was empty.
"WHY THE !&%^ DID YOU TELL ME TO COME AND PICK A POKEMON IF THERE WAS NONE LEFT?!"
Professor Oak cringed. "Er, uh, there is one Pokemon left."
"Give it to me."
"You don't want this one."
"Yes I do, why would I tell you to give it to me if I didn't want it?"
"It's not a suitable companion for a girl."
"Don't be so sexist!"
"And, it's a little wild..."
"It'll suit me fine then."
"It's dangerous to humans..."
"Most Pokemon are."
"Doesn't have a strong elemental advantage..."
"It can beat the enemies in strength then, not advantages."
"And it's -"
"Just give me the Pokemon already."
He sheepishly pressed a Pokeball into her hands.
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
Jessie opened the Pokeball, and in a flash of red light appeared her Pokemon.
"Ekanssss," it hissed. The purple snake looked at her curiously and tickled her nose with its tongue.
"THAT'S your fierce Pokemon?" she asked sceptically.
"I dunno what you were complaining about, I like snakes. Sexist old man. But, it doesn't look particularly dangerous or wild. It looks a little wimpy."
Ekans blinked. Then it showed Jessie exactly what it thought of that comment.
"Echh, get it off me!" choked Jessie, as Ekans coiled itself around her and started using WRAP attack.
Oak tried to help pry it off but wasn't strong enough against Ekans. It kept squeezing her.
Finally, Ekans loosened its coils, and Jessie collapsed, exhausted.
"Okay, maybe you have a point, doc," she said, a bit frazzled, "but Ekans and I will get along fine."
Oak just nodded, not daring to contradict, and handed over some Pokeballs and a Pokedex.
Jessie stepped outside, Ekans draped around her neck.
A crowd of two or three people cheered her as she came out.
"Uh, thanks everyone. Hi Mom."
"Is that your Pokemon?" she replied.
One of her neighbours grinned. "What a crappy Pokemon. Ekans have gotta be one of the weakest..."
He trailed off as Ekans uncoiled itself from Jessie and started to wrap itself around his neck.
"Uh, could you get this thing off?" he asked, starting to choke.
"Ekans, return!" she held out its Pokeball, and the red beam struck it, but it refused to go inside.
"Sorry," she said to her neighbour, "but to answer your question, no, I can't get it off."
Jessie walked, Ekans around her neck like some sort of bizarre fur.
"We have to look for a Spearow," she told Ekans. "They're supposed to be nice and mean."
"You don't like me, do you?"
Ekans shook its head.
"Well, I DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER! Now STOP COMPLAINING!"
Ekans shrank back, with a sweatdrop. It wished it could've gotten any other trainer.
Chirping from a nearby tree alerted them.
"Ekans, look. I think that's a Spearow."
Ekans just looked at her.
"What are you waiting for, go get it."
Ekans quickly uncoiled from her, dropped to the ground and slithered up the nearest tree.
"Stupid Pokemon. Oh well, I'm tougher than you anyway!"
She picked up her backpack and threw it at the Spearow. It was dazed for a moment, before squawking indignantly. It flew up into the air and dove at Ekans.
"Hey, don't pick on Ekans! Ekans didn't do anything to you!"
"Speeear eearow!" (Yes it did, it ate my eggs a couple of days ago.)
Ekans sweatdropped sheepishly and Jessie facefaulted.
"Ah well, who cares." Jessie threw her backpack at the Spearow again. She had a good aim. Spearow fell and didn't get up.
"SPEEEEAR!" it shrieked, and before Jessie and Ekans knew what was happening, several dozen other Spearow burst from their trees and flew at them.
"Um..." began Jessie, but Ekans wasn't staying around to find out what its master was going to do. It kept low to the ground and slithered through the tall grass at top speed.
"Hey, wait for me, stupid thing!"
Jessie raced after Ekans, the sound of Spearows squawking sounding in their ears...
A young girl sat fishing. Everything was very peaceful. She felt a tug on her line.
"Oh wow, I think this could be a really big one."
She jerked up the line, strongly, and found, to her amazement, that she'd caught more then she expected.
"It's a girl," she sighed, "oh! And a Pokemon!"
She ran to Ekans, worried.
"Oh, it's just an Ekans. Who cares."
Ekans, while weak, managed to muster up the strength to bite her.
"Stupid Pokemon. I'll teach you to -"
"Hey girl, tell me -"
"I'm not a girl," snapped the person. "My name is James."
"Those suspenders are REALLY bad fashion sense," Jessie couldn't help saying.
"And your stupid vest thing isn't? What's with those gloves?"
"If you're a guy, why are you wearing such short shorts?"
"It wasn't MY choice. If you're a girl, why's your hair so..."
"DON'T DISS THE HAIR."
Jessie and James looked as if they'd like to snipe catty remarks at each other for a while longer, but Ekans hissed, alerting them to the fact that the Spearow were coming back.
"You need to get that Pokemon to a Pokemon Center."
"Yes, that's all very well and good, but I don't see any around here, do you?"
"Up the road, about a kilometre away..."
Jessie got up, carrying Ekans, and jumped on a nearby bike.
"Hey, that's my bike!" shouted James.
"No kidding. Now it's MY bike."
"Come back here, you thief!"
"Time to blast off," muttered Jessie, and started pedalling. She didn't go very fast, and James soon caught her up.
"This bike is crap!" she snapped at him, "what a wussy bike! How fast does it go, 0.5 kmph?!"
James glared at her and pushed her off his bike.
"Fine, I'm going, I'm going," she snapped at him. "Geeze, it's faster just to run."
A Spearow, flying overhead, caught sight of her and divebombed her.
"Time to get moving, eh Ekans?"
The snake nodded. "Yess, hurry up already," it said, in its own language.
The two began running again, Jessie carrying Ekans.
They didn't get very far. The Spearow started attacking them again.
"Stupid Spearow!" snapped Jessie, "you just can't accept that I'm better than you!"
Ekans sweatdropped and wondered what that had to do with anything.
"Well, I wanted to catch one, and I'm GOING to! Go, Ekans!"
Ekans looked at her as if to say 'yeah right'.
"Ekansss." (Go yourself.)
She sighed and said "Coward. Fine, I'll go, but you should help me."
Ekans nodded reluctantly.
Jessie grabbed her mallet with both hands and glared at the squawking Spearow. "Stupid things, you'll pay for messing with me! My hair is RUINED from jumping in that lake!"
Jessie started smashing at the Spearows as if she were in some sort of arcade game. She was pretty good too, and knocked out most of them. Ekans, on her shoulder, was taking down a few with POISON STING.
But more kept coming.
"I wish you had some sort of attack that could take them all out," she snapped at Ekans, "Ash's Pikachu could knock them out with one thundershock."
Ekans GLAREd at her. She shivered slightly. The Spearows started divebombing her again, but she made no effort to stop them.
"EKANSS!" hissed the Pokemon. "Ekansss?" (Do something! Why don't you defend yourself?)
"I can't..." she growled through gritted teeth, "you paralysed me."
Ekans sweatdropped. "Ekans ekans." (Sorry, didn't realise I knew glare attack.)
Ekans looked at its trainer with some concern. It wasn't sure it liked her very much, but it didn't want her to die because of it.
The snake slithered onto Jessie's head and faced the Spearow. It decided to make use of the attack it just realised it had.
The Spearow, flapping their wings to stay airborne, watched the snake closely. Ekans' eyes glowed, and they all stared into them, as if hypnotised. Then, one by one, they started falling to the ground, paralysed.
Ekans dove into Jessie's backpack.
"What are you doing?" asked Jessie.
Ekans resurfaced, tail wrapped tightly around a Pokeball.
"Ekansssss," it said. (You said you want Spearow.)
He threw it at one of the Spearow, and it was drawn inside without a fight.
"Ssss." (Let's go.)
"I'd like to, but I can't move, remember?"
Ekans sweatdropped. "Ekans." (Okay, we'll stay here then.)
They sat, waiting for someone to find them. An hour passed. Then two.
The afternoon sun was high in the sky.
And then they heard footsteps.
"YOU!" shouted Jessie and James in unison as they saw and recognised each other.
"What are you doing sitting in the dirt like that?"
"I'm having a picnic, what's it look like? You idiot, I got paralysed!"
James grinned and pushed her. She fell over, unable to balance herself.
She growled. "You could make yourself useful, you know, instead of making things worse."
"Oh, there's no fun in that!" He poked her in the ribs and she cringed.
"Get away from me."
"You insulted me and tried to steal my bike. It's payback time."
"That's not very nice."
He sobered up a little. "How long have you been sitting here?"
"A couple of hours. I'm sure I'm totally sunburnt by now."
"Yes, you are. Your face is all red and -"
"Shut up. Don't insult the face."
"Do you want my help or not?"
She sighed. "Fine."
"Don't sound so grateful."
She GLAREd at him. "Just help me already, would you?"
He froze. "I... can't."
"You just paralysed me."
"Kanss," sighed the snake. (You glared.)
The other two would've facefaulted if they could've moved.
A chill wind blew and the dark night sky became peppered with stars.
Jessie and James still lay by the roadside.
"This is all your fault," they GROWLed at each other.
Their attacks went down.